What It Really Means to Love Yourself


It’s being spoken about quite a lot these days, which is great.

But it can still be misunderstood or not really taken seriously.

What I’ve learnt is that real self-love isn’t a fleeting activity, or something you do here and there.

Instead, it is an ongoing commitment and an ever-evolving journey, just like life, with endless opportunities to go deeper.

At the surface level, self-love might look like treating yourself to something – a massage, an indulgent dessert or a new item of clothing – because you feel like you deserve it.

But your love is not something you need to earn.

Love is at the core of your true nature. It’s your natural way of being (not doing).

But most of us forget this, as we become conditioned to compare, to compete and to judge.

We learn to believe our inner critic when it tells us we’re not good enough.

We learn to believe that our worth (i.e. how worthy we are of ‘love’) is dependent on things outside of us, like our possessions, achievements, appearance, job, wealth and relationships.

Are these things really what make us worthy and loveable?

What I’ve learnt on my own self-love journey is that I can practice loving myself in every moment and in every experience, not just on occasion when I’m feeling extra happy or when I feel like I’ve earned it.

Even when I think, say, feel or do something ‘negative,’ I can still acknowledge this in the moment and choose to respond to myself with love i.e. through forgiving myself and having compassion for myself (we’re not designed to be perfect so let’s stop trying to be!)

You can do this too. We all can.

The true power of self-love

So what else can happen when you truly commit to self-love and explore its deeper levels?

Here’s what I know can happen from personal experience:

  • Your need for other people’s approval reduces, meaning you get to reconnect with yourself and decide what feels good to you.
  • Your tendency to put others’ needs and happiness before your own reduces, meaning you get to fill yourself up first which then allows you to give to others from a place of fullness rather than depletion.
  • Your tendency to compare yourself to others and to feel inferior, jealous or resentful reduces, meaning you get to honour and embrace wherever you are in your own journey whilst honouring where other people are in theirs.
  • Your tendency to get stuck in negative thinking cycles reduces, meaning you spend much less time unnecessarily worrying about the past and the future, and much more time in the present, the only moment that really exists.
  • Your tendency to dwell in negative emotions decreases, meaning you get to spend more time feeling good!

What’s even more powerful is that the more we practice loving ourselves, the more we naturally feel love for others.

Similarly, the more we practice forgiving ourselves, and letting go of self-judgements (which are acts of self-love), the more we are able to forgive others and let go of our judgements of others.

AND, the more we model and embody self-love, the more we inspire others to do the same!

What this means is…

If we all committed to loving ourselves, we would all naturally feel love for each other.

There would be no need for jealousy, judgement, hatred, competition or division.

What do you think? Is that a good enough reason to start taking self-love seriously?

I sure think so!

Let me know your thoughts! <3

Alie x

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